Epiphanies About Love
This was a blog post written by yours truly back in 2016. Some of this still resonates and some … well I have grown a ton. But I would hate to edit it out as this was the experience of a 25 year old. Thank you for being here and thank you for allowing me to continue to share my vulnerability.
Epiphanies help drive my life in the path it is supposed to take. People tell me I overthink a lot, I worry too much, and I give too much energy to my feelings. However, I truly believe my epiphanies have helped shape my life in amazing ways. I love when I get that “Aha” feeling because it reassures me I am on the right path.
My first one in a long time happened last week. I was lying in bed wide awake listening to the sounds of the night. That is when I had an epiphany about love and relationships.
Your Choices Define You
Over this past week I was faced with a handful of choices to make right at the brink of turning 25. I was offered a new job position, a new man came into my life, and an old man came back asking me what and who I wanted in my life. I had just celebrated my 25th birthday and all of a sudden the universe decided it was necessary to throw me one last curve ball to keep me on the right track for the next years of my life. It came down to one simple question: Who do you want to spend your time with?
The choice I truly have to make is one that is the hardest one of all. I have to finally take the stand and choose myself.
There were a few influential male friendships who have impacted me in many ways. One stole my heart without even trying. One drove me absolutely mental but said all the right things. The last one was a genuine and kind man who only wanted to experience the confidence that comes from being loved and in a relationship.
…Avoid using Escape Mechanisms
This past week I was not sleeping well. I wasn’t exercising, my yoga practice had diminished and my vegan eating habits were being pushed aside. I noticed that I stopped spending time with myself because I was too concerned with all of the other people around me. In order to combat the social pressure I turned to activities that allowed me to escape. I was napping a lot, escaped my thoughts by watching TV, and stopped writing in my journal. Sleep was not happening because my gut was telling me something was off but I could not pinpoint what it was. And then a lightbulb just went off unannounced.
…Be Proactive
As I was lying there I came to the realization that I had to evaluate the people in my life and make a choice. The choice I had to make was one that was going to be the hardest one of all. I realized I was going to finally take the stand and choose myself. For the past few months I had been trying so hard to fill a void. I was searching for someone who gave me butterflies and could elicit a spark in my heart just from one kiss. Let me tell you right now that this is never a good idea. Trying to control something like that is nearly impossible. But it was a good distraction from everything else going on in my life.
Fear of Being Single
We live in a day and age where being single is scary and having a man in your life is safe, comfortable, and exhilarating because of all of those amazing feelings that make you warm and fuzzy inside. However, I have simply decided that for now I am going to be that person for myself. It is very mentally challenging to rely on a man to do that for you. It is also unfair to put that pressure on them. Even though it is amazing to have someone tell you how beautiful you are, how great you are, and that you are special… it is not enough. I am finally starting to see the amazing qualities in myself and working on accepting my weaknesses.
My epiphany made me realize that I also am unable to be this person for a man. I cannot be the one to make sure their confidence is high by constantly reassuring and shooting out compliments. There is more to life than trying to find a forever partner. The goal is to be the best person you can be and eventually that forever partner will be ready to be in your life.
“Visualize Exactly What You Want”
The universe has put me on a path where so many doors are opening to help me grow as a young entrepreneurial woman in a beautiful growing city. I want a man in my life who is just as confident, determined, and seeks to create his own life without relying on anyone else to lift them up. A pioneer of sorts. I want a man in my life who can be my team mate and partner in crime not someone who needs my light in order to lift them up because they will have their own light that shines just as bright. I know I am going to be successful all on my own so I cannot be with someone who questions their abilities to be successful as well.
New Epiphanies: You are going to be successful
In the past two years I have had my fair share of personal epiphanies about love but I have never come to the final conclusion that I need to choose myself. I recommend that you do the same in order to establish that sustainable lifestyle where you inspire yourself everyday. I hope you experience a few epiphanies of your own. So here is what I recommend doing to remind yourself why the relationship you have with yourself is the most important on of all.
Take a deep breath, inhale, look within and take action. Write a comprehensive list about why you are going to be successful on your own.
I was in Thailand dealing with a lot of personal challenges and being forced to be on my own. In order to combat my negative self-talk I started to write. I sat down and wrote out all of the reasons why I am going to be successful.
Here is what I came up with:
I am trustworthy. I am passionate.
I give 100% to my goals. I follow my moral compass.
I like helping others feel confident
with their own abilities.
I am self driven and intrinsically motivated.
I love meeting and getting to know new people.
I practice what I preach.
I try to inspire others but I am also
inspired by others.
I follow my gut and my heart to
help drive my life forward.
I have a desire to create change in this world.
I have all of the personal support that I could ask for.
“Be Your Most Amazing and Authentic Self”
Epiphanies about love and life are almost like a high that comes from taking drugs. You finally are able to see clarity in your life again. You just need to remove the foggy glasses that show you imaginary relationship realities. If you are chipping away parts of yourself to please another person then let them go. It is not fair to hold on to something that you do not want. Do not lead someone on if you do not want to invest time being with them. Let your epiphanies drive your life forward in order to be your most amazing and authentic self.