Is It Fear of Failure or Fear of Success?

The question of the hour and the theme of my recent Living In Balance Seminar weekend from October 17-20th was a profound one. To one of the many incredible mentors in the LIB space, thank you for asking us this question.

At one point in my life, fear of failure was the constant companion. It colored every decision I made—whether as a university student striving for perfection, as a woman navigating the complex dynamics of relationships, or as an entrepreneur trying to make her mark. That fear was always there, lurking in the background. It was the anxiety of not living up to expectations, of not getting that A+ that I thought was the only thing that defined my value. And in my career, the thought of falling short was paralyzing, because judgment felt inevitable.

But now, the tables have turned. And I mean this quite literally—something shifted within me only about seven months ago. It felt like the deepest patterns, the ones etched into the very core of my being, finally cracked. Maybe they were generational, patterns passed down that influenced my thoughts and actions in ways I didn’t even realize. Whatever the origin, these patterns had been steering every conscious decision I made in my life.

The belief system was simple but powerful:

• Be the best you can be, so you’ll succeed and be loved.

• Give everything you have, so you’ll be valued and seen.

• Put on a smile and dress the part, so you’ll feel safe.

It was a performance—a role I played in order to belong. But what I’ve come to realize is that success, while rewarding, comes with its own bittersweet reality. The more I achieved, the more momentum I gained, the lonelier my world became. As someone who’s always found it easier to connect with animals and nature rather than people, the energy of stepping into success felt unfamiliar, almost alien. Yet it was real.

You know that feeling of being surrounded by so many people but feeling utterly alone? That used to happen to me often. But as I’ve started to flip the script—saying yes to experiences that align with the future version of myself—that loneliness has faded. Don’t get me wrong, my jaw still aches after a long day of smiling, and the tension headaches from social events, whether I’m on stage or mingling, are still very real. But I’m beginning to feel a shift. I’m surrounded by cheerleaders now. I’m attracting people whose energy aligns with mine—those who aren’t chasing the rat race or bonding over failure. They’re winning, and they just want to see me win too.

It reminds me of my millionaire mentor who nudged me into this beautiful industry of marketing in the first place (a blog post for another time and an already existing podcast episode).

So, here I am sharing something raw: I am no longer afraid of failure. In fact, I embrace it. Failing forward is where I find my sense of safety. It’s where I grow, learn, and keep moving forward. What used to scare me wasn’t failure—it was success. Success, with all its weight and responsibility, was what truly frightened me.

When you fail, the burden feels lighter, more manageable. But when you succeed—when you achieve everything you’ve ever dreamed of—that weight is wild. And I’ve been there. I’ve stood on the edge of success more than once, only to feel a deep part of me rise up to sabotage it.

The struggle was loudest in business. When I sabotaged success in business, I lost money—and that’s something you feel in your bones. Money loss is tangible, it’s obvious. Losing love might hurt more emotionally, but it’s less visible. Losing money, though? It shakes your sense of security, your stability, and it’s a hard, glaring reality.

Looking back, I’ve realized that my fear of failure came from the ego, but my fear of success comes from somewhere deeper—from my intuition. My intuition knows where I’m headed, but she’s afraid of holding all that weight on her own. The risk of success? Heartbreak. Because to fully step into my dreams means letting go of the relationships, energies, and worlds that no longer fit.

And that’s where the fear truly lies: in the grief of what was. Success demands growth, but growth often comes with loss. It’s about embracing the future while grieving the past.

So, where do we go from here?

I’ve learned that to fully lean into success, I have to say yes to the people who want to support and love me. That’s been the hardest lesson for me—learning to receive. I can give all day long, but receiving? That hits deep. It triggers something intense in my nervous system. Even now, as I begin to welcome little pieces of success into my life, my fight-or-flight response still flares up. There are times I catch myself finding any excuse to shut it down.

But thank goodness for my sister and the incredible people I have attracted into my life. They continue to catch me when my ego tries to flip the script back to its old tune—let’s fail so we can be loved. They remind me to keep moving forward, to embrace success, and to receive all that life has to offer.

Now my question for you is - what do you fear more?