Choosing Sobriety: Social Anxiety and Fear

This was a blog post written by yours truly back in 2016. Some of this still resonates and some … well I have grown a ton. But I would hate to edit it out as this was the experience of a 25 year old. Thank you for being here and thank you for allowing me to continue to share my vulnerability.

Sobriety has been something I have feared to choose. It all comes down to fear. Mostly I fear the negative social impact it may have in my life. It is currently the beginning of summer. The sun is out, patios are opening, parties are starting, and boating is happening. All of the amazing summer activities I love are surrounded by good friends and of course… alcohol.

I had a moment on my 25th birthday where I realized I needed to make a change. I was sitting with a bunch of my friends and I had a flight of beer sitting in front of me and I was happy. I love beer. I love the taste of beer, I love the heart and soul that goes behind making the beer, and I love the unique beer labels that come on the bottles. I am a sucker for learning about the stories about local breweries that inspire the flavours and unique label designs. However, one thing I do not love about beer or any alcohol for that matter is how I feel after drinking it.

Alcohol and Mindset

Before I started practicing yoga and mindfulness I was not in tune with the negative impact alcohol had on my mind. I was very aware of the hangovers that occurred but I did not realize just how much my mental state was affected in such a negative way.

When I came home and lied on my bed crying uncontrollably all alone I realized that I had to make a choice.

As soon as I returned home from this 25th birthday dinner I broke down in tears. The alcohol brought all of my emotions up to the forefront and I couldn’t keep in my tears any longer. There was nothing going wrong in my life at this moment.

I have two great jobs and just received an offer to be a part of another company. I was surrounded by people who loved me and showed up to celebrate my life. I also got to have great food in a new restaurant I had never tried before. But for some reason as soon as I finished one glass of that flight I started to feel mentally exhausted and my light was slowly dimming. By the end of the evening, the rest of the flight, and one more birthday beer later my soul was completely dark. My energy disappeared and it was exhausting just to have a conversation with someone else.

“Listen to your epiphanies”

There are moments when you have epiphanies and that night was one for me. When I came home and lied on my bed crying uncontrollably, all alone, I realized that I had to make a choice. Life is made up of choices that direct us in new and different directions. These directions can lead to greatness or they can lead to self-sabotage. I decided at that moment with tears running down my face that I was not going to do this to myself again. I was going to choose sobriety.

Sobriety and Peer Pressure

The peer pressure to drink when you go out to a nice restaurant, celebratory dinner, or a casual meeting with a friend are the only reasons I choose to drink alcohol. I am one of those people that has a hard time saying “No” so when someone asks me to go out for a drink I will get as many as they do because I don’t want them to feel like they are drinking alone. So now the struggle is how I will battle saying no to alcohol and how will I explain that I have chosen sobriety? I am already that girl that says she really prefers not to eat animal products and NOW I have to also say “No Thank You” to alcohol.

Would people judge if I brought Kombucha to a restaurant and poured it in a wine glass?

I feel that I am starting so say so many “No’s” in a world where we should just say yes. I fear the judgement. I fear having to explain myself every time I saw no to a drink. I would like to be able to just ask for acceptance of my choice. It is strange that I feel the need to have to explain my personal choices to others. I feel I have to explain myself even if they do not ask. I embarrass easily when I tell people I am a practicing Vegan. I also am nervous to tell people I am not drinking alcohol. I think this fear comes from not wanting to put pressure on others to adhere to my lifestyle.

I fear that people think I am putting myself on this highhorse of health where they should be. Then if they are not I fear that they think that I believe that I am judging them. However, this is not the case. For once I am just making personal choices that help my body be the best it can be. Also… this may help make my 25th birthday not my quarter-life celebration because I plan to live past 100!

Enter The Challenges

The hardest thing with choosing sobriety is that I have to start saying goodbye to the experience that comes with drinking alcohol. Learning about the companies, tasting the samples, enjoying and collecting different labels, and enjoying the celebratory beverages with friends. I guess I am just going to have to fine a replacement that does the trick. Would people judge if I brought Kombucha to a restaurant and poured it in a wine glass? Because that amazing drink is better than any alcoholic beverage!

So here it goes. Currently two weeks in and I have chosen to do something that will benefit my mind, body and soul. You drive your life path based on the choices you make. Something I need to constantly remind myself everyday. So make the choices that help you be the best version of yourself.

Sincerely,
Just another Millennial on the search for a happy, healthy, and sustainable lifestyle ♥ (Written in 2016 by a younger version of myself)